You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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