Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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