No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
