lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
