My liver just broke up with me...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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