We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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