Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
