the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
