dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
