she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
