i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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