I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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