Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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