And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
