First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
