every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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