So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
