I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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