After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
