it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
