I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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