Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
