from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
