can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
