I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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