This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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