Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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