His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
