Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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