I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
