i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
