OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she told me i tasted like america
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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