last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
