Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
