I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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