I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize