Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
