I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
PANTIES FOUND
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