life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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