We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
