highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
