Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
