watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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