He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
