Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
