Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
high people should be assigned attendants
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
