I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
