the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
