im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
