I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
