My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
