At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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