Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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