I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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