Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
