She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
