We're like a lot better than the average bears
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize