i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize