The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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