it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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