i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize