Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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