Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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