tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize