I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
