remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
