When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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