Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
