he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
