Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
