i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
