you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
