he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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