Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize