Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
