You can't motorboat a personality
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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